I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
