my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
