dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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