I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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