drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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