I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize