I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
