But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize