I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
