my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You did what with his pubic hair?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
