It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
