dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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