i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I look better un-naked...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
