I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
