I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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