Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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