I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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