i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
