I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
