I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize