it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
