So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
