I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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