I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
