I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Welp...herpes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
