the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
