The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
