He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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