When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
