Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
this hospital has no fireball
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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