Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
In America we eat man semen.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
