Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
