I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
