worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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