How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
