Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
