wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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