I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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