Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize