If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
