do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
