You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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