the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
