Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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