He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
