Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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