the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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