I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
