I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
