I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
