New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
