All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
