Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We had to coat check the pizza.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
