It's Friday. Sex?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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