Define "chronic" masturbator.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize