Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
being pregnant is like rehab
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
