If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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