he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
