On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
