it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
