went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
