are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Terrible idea I love it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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