Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
