my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
