Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i've created a new STD.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
