Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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