Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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