nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
