lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
