dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
