i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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