There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
