I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
