Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
