I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
