it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
