Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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