Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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