Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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