I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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