I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
