used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
