carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
