I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
