I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
