just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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