I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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