she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
