i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
