i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can you bring me the toilet please
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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