woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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