so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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