She's JV to your varsity
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
