Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
