i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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