i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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