listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
