Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
